People Die

I really think being human is overrated.

Even when I can come to terms occasionally with the fact that humans aren't perfect and make mistakes, I still come hard up against the truth that humans are mortal. People die.

Sometimes, it's not too hard to let go of someone you love. When she's lived a full life, and she's ready to go, it's easier to tolerate her death. But when she's a 16 year old girl, stricken with a cancer she conquered once only to have it return again within a few months, it's much harder.

Why? What's the purpose? I want to believe in a heaven, a "better place", but I can't. It sounds too much like something we'd make up in order to not look into the abyss of eternity. A nice little story about being happy forevermore. I wish I could believe that it was true.

I don't know what happens after we die. Most of the time, I don't care; far more important is what's going on right now, today, this moment. What happens after this life is out of my control, and isn't really relevant to today, I tell myself. I found it easier to have faith in God once I stopped worrying about all those big questions like whether God existed or not, or what happened after we died. I don't know, and that's okay.

Except today. It's not okay today, because I heard that a friend's daughter is dying. Today, I can't celebrate her life, because it has been too short. I mourn for all that she will never do. I mourn for her little sister, left to find her way without her big sister. I especially mourn for her mother, watching a piece of her heart die.

I mourn, and shake my fist at God, and ask why? But there is no why, other than that core truth: People die. God doesn't stop that. God just walks along beside us saying, yeah, I know, it hurts. God weeps with us, but doesn't deny us our humanity.

Being human is overrated.